Friday Night Funnies: You Can Retire To....

The Y Generation....Occupy Your Parents Basement....

People born before 1946 were called The Silent generation,

People born between 1946 and 1964 are called The Baby Boomers,

People born between 1965 and 1979 are called Generation X,

And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called Generation Y.

Why do we call the last group Generation Y?

Y should I get a job?

Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?
But a cartoonist explained it very eloquently below...

I think we saw those Y's at Occupy!
For all you cat lovers....

No one believes seniors.   . . everyone thinks they are senile.

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple

had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved  back to their old neighborhood after they retired.

Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and

found the old desk theyd shared, where Andy had carved I love you, Sally ..

On their way back home,  a bag of money fell out of an armored car,

practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it,

they took it home. There, she counted the money----fifty thousand dollars!

Andy said, Weve got to give it back. Sally said, Finders keepers. She put the money back in the bag

and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking

for the money, and knocked on their door. Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of

an armored car yesterday? Sally said, No.

Andy said, Shes lying. She hid it up in the attic.

Sally said, Dont believe him, hes getting senile

The agents turned to Andy and began to question him.

One said: Tell us the story from the beginning.

Andy said, Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school

yesterday ....

The first police officer turned to his partner and said, Were outta here!

You can retire to  Phoenix , Arizona  where...

1.  You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 
2.  You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3.  You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town. 
4.  You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5.  You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6.  The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!


 You can retire to  California  where...

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5.  When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.


You can retire to  New York City  where...

1.  You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean  Manhattan  .  
2.  You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from  Columbus Circle    to Battery Park, but can't find  Wisconsin    on a map.
3.  You think  Central Park  is "nature."
4.  You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5.  You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note: IF you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.


You can retire to  Alberta  where...

1.  You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco ..
2.  Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3.  You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4.  Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5.  The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.


You can retire to the  Deep South  where...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names:  Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen , Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.


You can retire to British Columbia  where...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.


You can retire to  Saskatchewan  where...

1. You'll never meet any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"


FINALLY You can retire to  Florida  where...

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2.. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5.  Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

Marriage Counseling:

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'this is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?'

'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.'

Hard to beat that last video, so I will sign off for tonight. Have a great weekend!