Friday Night Funnies: I Faked It!





- For young men, it's a nice ass. Only the most observant will define this as a really nice ass crossing the street. The really observant will see the thong.
- For older men, it is a respectable woman with a really nice ass crossing the street.
- The perverts will imagine her as a naked woman.
- The wise men will ponder the presence of mind of the photographer in the face of such beauty and gratitude that it was shared with humanity.
- For half of the women, this is an ordinary woman who should not have left home dressed that way.
- The other half is wondering where she bought that blouse.
- The wise women imagine the misery that this will be at 50.
- Children, the curious, and monks will probably notice a dog driving the taxi - don’t be alarmed, I didn’t see the dog either.
--------------------------------------------
Dear Tide:

I am writing to say
what an excellent product
you have.
I've used it all of my married life,
as my Mom always told me
it was the best.
Now that I am in my fifties
I find it even better!
In fact, about a month ago,
I spilled some red wine
on my new white blouse.
My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me
about how clumsy I was,
and generally started becoming
a pain in the neck.

One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood
on my new white blouse!
I grabbed my bottle
of Tide with bleach alternative,
to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!

In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday
told me that the DNA tests
on my blouse were negative.

Then my attorney called
and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief!
Going through menopause
is bad enough without being
a murder suspect!
I thank you, once again,
for having a great product.

Well, gotta go.
I have to write to
the Hefty bag people.
----------------------------------------------------

This financial crisis is forcing the Province of Alberta and local agencies to make some tough decisions.
If things continue for much longer, there's a real risk that we may have to lay off Jose.
--------------------------------------------------------
So  JOHNNY  goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, fine red wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.
He hears Father Flahrety come in: "Father, forgive me for I have sinned. It's been a very long time since I've been to confession . . . and . . . I must admit that the confessional box is much more, uh, "inviting" than it was back in my day."

FR. Flahrety replies, "Get out, Johnny, you idiot! You're on my side!"
--------------------------------------------
 --------------------------------------------
Public Housing

The problem with public housing is that the residents are not the owners.

The people who live in the house did not earn the house, but were loaned the property from the true owners, the taxpayers.

Because of this, the residents do not have the "pride of ownership" that comes with the hard work necessary.

In fact, the opposite happens and the residents resent their benefactors because the very house is a constant reminder that they themselves did not earn the right to live in the house.

They do not appreciate the value of the property and see no need to maintain or respect it in any way.

The result is the same whether you are talking about a studio apartment or a magnificent mansion full of priceless antiques.

If the people who live there do not feel they earned the privilege, they will make this known through their actions.

The pictures below illustrate the point:
 

The Resolute Desk was built from the timbers of the HMS Resolute and
was a gift from Queen Victoria to President Rutherford B. Hayes.
It is considered a national treasure and icon of the presidency.

Mr. Obama, you are not in a hut in Kenya, or public housing in Chicago.
With all due respect, get your # @&% feet off our desk!----------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------
Welcome to the "Guess Your Number Game".  Try It, I dare you.

I leave you with babies giggling, nothing is sweeter than that.



Enjoy the weekend, raking leaves seems to be in my future.

Surge Protection

Looks like the media are starting to write about another NDP surge. OH NOEZ, say the Liberals! We all remember what happened last time.

I didn't make this, but I wish I had!

In other news the Toronto Star endorsed McGuinty a week early, possibly because they learned their lesson from last time when they waited until the Liberals were dead meat and ended up looking silly.

Will Americans ever trust us again?

canusrelations The Americans are again musing about building a fence along parts of our mutual border as well as deploying various high-tech surveillance systems. Apparently, some officials in the American Customs and Border Protection Agency believe this will make America safer from terrorism. They’ll never ever forget Ahmed Ressam—who they arrested in 2000, trying to cross into Washington State from British Columbia on a mission to bomb Los Angeles International Airport—and there are Americans who still believe mistakenly some of the 9/11 plane hijackers entered the United States from Canada.

Americans have every right to do so, of course, they can build walls, fences, ditches, moats to their hearts’ content. But one can’t help wondering if this isn’t just another symptom of their apparent helplessness, making them feel that they have to do something. So they believe sealing themselves in—when a far more imminent threat seems to be coming from within the United States itself—will help keep them more secure.

Today, there’s a New York Times report that a U.S. drone attack killed Anwar al-Awlaki, an American-born Muslim preacher, this morning in Yemen. al-Awlaki was a leading figure in Al Qaeda in Yemen, and was known to have immense influence within that terrorist group.

Other recent threats-from-within have been well publicized:

  • A 26-year-old American citizen Rezwan Ferdaus, a graduate of Northeastern University no less, has been charged with planning terrorist attacks against key buildings in Washington. He allegedly planned to attack the buildings with explosives on model airplanes, and to cut down evacuees with gunfire and grenades as they left the buildings.
  • U.S. citizen Mohamed Osman Mohamud tried Last Christmas to blow up a truck bomb while Portland, Oregon’s Pioneer Courthouse Square was packed with thousands of people.
  • U.S. citizens, Major Nidal Malik Hasan and Private Naser Abdo, both of the United States Army, planned attacks on Fort Hood, Texas. Hasan killing 13 and wounding 30. Abdo, fortunately, was arrested before he could act.

Thank the Lord none of these maniacs were Canadians—we’d never have heard the end of it and wait times at the U.S.-Canadian border would have become unbearable. And, at least, one U.S. Congressman would have called for an all-out invasion of our country.

The Americans have enormous internal security problems and have nothing short of a real war in progress on their southern border—tens of thousands of casualties have already been suffered—yet some have time to plan a fence between themselves and Canada.

Go figure.

 

 

© Russell G. Campbell, 2011.
All rights reserved.
 
The views I express on this blog are my own and do not necessarily represent the views or positions of political parties, institutions or organizations with which I am associated.

We’re growing again

Houses of Parliament__DSC3336
Canada's Houses of Parliament at Ottawa as seen from the rear | Russ Campbell

Following reports in the mainstream media one can easily get the impression that Canada’s economy is in freefall or, at best, stagnating, and so it’s encouraging to read this morning that, in fact, our economic growth is on target—at least, it was as of this past July.

The Financial Post reports that Statistics Canada said today (Friday) that the Canadian economy grew in July, led by manufacturing and wholesale trade, suggesting a third-quarter bounce-back—after shrinking in the previous three-month period—might be in the offing. Gross domestic product grew 0.3 per cent during the month, following a 0.2 per cent increase in June.

Worrying times ahead, of course, but these reports remind us that we Canadians have much to feel good about.

Optimism is a tonic for the soul; we need more of it in these troubling times.

 

 

© Russell G. Campbell, 2011.
All rights reserved.
 
The views I express on this blog are my own and do not necessarily represent the views or positions of political parties, institutions or organizations with which I am associated.

Canada leads the world with highest reputation ranking

Ottawa-Parliament__DSC3342
 Ottawa 2009 | photo taken from the Canadian Museum of Civilization

In Jack Layton’s last letter to Canadians, he said, “We can restore our good name in the world.” Well, we can stamp Mission accomplished! on this one, and Mr. Layton’s soul can rest easy, for Canada has earned the highest reputation ranking in Reputation Institute’s annual study measuring the overall trust, esteem, admiration and good feelings respondents worldwide hold towards 50 countries around the world.

The study, released on Tuesday, also measures respondents’ perceptions across 16 different attributes, including a good quality of life, a safe place to live and a strong attention to their environment. And results showed that Canada scored well in all of these elements.

Results from 42,000 respondents worldwide ranked Canada first with Sweden next, followed by Australia, Switzerland and New Zealand, the reputation management firm said in its news release.

Apparently, Canadians don’t think as highly of themselves as others do, for Canada ranked only fourth on self-perception. And I’m not surprised at that considering the disparaging remarks about Canada we hear regularly from leftists in general and more specifically from the likes of NDP foreign affairs critic MP Paul Dewar, Green Party leader Elizabeth May, and, to only a somewhat lesser extent, former and current Liberal leaders Michael Ignatieff and Bob Rae respectively.

I remember Paul Dewar telling us Canada’s failed UN Security Council was “devastating for our country’s reputation.” Well, apparently, Mr. Dewar’s hyperbole has proven to be without foundation; the rest of the world doesn’t share his low opinion of Canada.

And readers may remember when Elizabeth May flew all the way to Copenhagen during the final round of the 2009 UN climate change negotiations so that she could denigrate Canada for all the world to hear. It would seem that Dippers and Greens and others who owe their first loyalties to special interests and international organizations have less influence on public opinion than they supposed.

I am pleased to see that the foreign policies of Stephen Harper’s Tory government—including the principled support of the State of Israel—are not wrecking our international image, despite claims that they are by Dewar, May, Ray, et al.

 

 

© Russell G. Campbell, 2011.
All rights reserved.
 
The views I express on this blog are my own and do not necessarily represent the views or positions of political parties, institutions or organizations with which I am associated.

Tomorrow Alberta Gets a New Premier

Well tomorrow is the day.  Tomorrow is when  PC members choose a new leader who will automatically become premier.  The the three choices are front runner Gary Mar, whose actually been in Washington DC the last few years as Alberta's envoy to promote the oil sands.

Second is Allison Redford who served as Justice Minister in the Ed Stelmach cabinet, and who had worked for Joe Clark in Ottawa.   By the way my condolences go out Allison on the tragic the loss of her mother the other day.  I pray God will comfort her and her family at this time.

Finally, Doug Horner who served under both Ralph Klein and Ed Stelmach administrations with various portfolios is also one of the three left standing vying for the keys to the Premier's office.

Not much change will be coming no matter who wins tomorrow. They're all the same. All three candidates are progressives.  The health care system is not going  to change,  education is not  going to change, the way the provincial government handles our money is also not going to change. They'll keep spending.

Not once in the debate the other night,did any of them talk about reducing spending, or reducing the size of government. 

I don't believe they'll suddenly become open and transparent in the way they do things either.  It'll still be backroom decision making like always.

So if any Albertan out there thinks that a PC Premier will change anything, they better think again.  I only hope that whoever becomes Premier tomorrow will call  a snap election.  The sooner the PC's are booted out the better, so that the province can move forward and get back that "Alberta Advantage."




 

Liberal Screwup Roundup, Sept 29 2011


Premier Wacky-Waving-Inflatable-Arm-Flailing-Tube-Man had another one of those days today. Let's review the damage.
Our top story tonight concerns one Nikki Holland, senior Grit, contemporary of road-rage poster boy Michael Bryant, and supplier of cigarettes to people in shelters in exchange for Liberal votes.

"I have done crazy things," Holland says in the audio recording. "Like ... and if anyone repeats this I'll deny it (until) the cows come home ... I have gone to a shelter in the riding of St. Paul's with a carton of smokes and said, 'I'll give you them after you vote.' I have done that ... but they were already smokers."

In an e-mail sent to QMI Agency Thursday, Holland admitted she made the comments.
But the veteran political operative insisted she never actually handed out cigarettes to potential voters.

Instead, she said she merely "pretended" to have used tactics that in fact she heard other political parties use.

"During a presentation to a partisan audience I got carried away playing to the crowd," Holland said in the e-mail.

Wow. Hey, don't the Liberals pride themselves on their "tough" anti-smoking strategy? Doesn't the Liberal war room boss have a huge problem with tobacco lobbyists?

Oh, but that's not all. The Liberals, still reeling from the fallout over their power plant mess, panicked again and sped up the implementation of a tax credit for home renovations for seniors, which will somehow lead to more jobs. Hey, maybe McGuinty's hand jive during the debate was a manifestation of how nervous and jumpy the Liberals have to be about the election result? Or else why would they be flipping the script with a week to go?

Let's hear from Adam Radwanski on these recent Liberal own-goals:

Then last Sunday, two days before the leaders’ debate and just as Ontarians were starting to pay closer attention to their provincial election, the Liberals handed the other two parties a gift. Promising to scrap a gas-fired power plant being built in Mississauga, they gave the appearance of panic – undermining the “steady hand at the tiller” pitch the two-term Premier has been making to voters.

Even seasoned political operatives wondered aloud at how the Liberals managed to let a fairly marginal local issue throw them off message for at least a couple of days. The answer is that they were guilty of making faulty assumptions leading up to the campaign, and then weren’t willing to live with consequences that would have involved hanging one of their strongest MPPs out to dry.

Panic. Yes.

What else on this enchanted night? Well, we have proof the Liberals are using bots on Twitter. And then there was that hilarious story about how the Liberals met with the cast and crew of "Murdoch Mysteries" to brag about how they are spending money to support the local film industry. Trouble was? "Murdoch Mysteries" got cancelled. Oops.

And if that wasn't enough, here's another opportunity for a fun filled round of "What's Wrong With This Picture?" This one's real easy, since the last one gave the Eric Hoskins campaign team a lot to ponder. I know, thanks to my hit counter. ;)

Finally, it looks like the NDP are leading or competitive in some key ridings. Which ridings? How about Sudbury, possibly the safest Liberal seat in the north? Or York South Weston, which looks like it will be overrun by the NDP? Or perhaps even, randomly, Bramalea Gore Malton? Yeah, yeah, this thing was paid for by Sid Ryan, but it should put the fear of heaven into a few Liberals, and that ain't a bad thing!

Can it be that the Liberals have been....um...blowing smoke all this time that people were fooled into thinking they were running a credible campaign? :P

The Tory flag-flying legislation is a good thing

Apparently, Liberal leader Bob Rae doesn’t much care for flags and other symbols of Canada, or, at least, he doesn’t seem to deem them important enough to be discussed in parliament. “Canadians are worried about the economy,” he’s quoted as saying outside the House of Commons, as if this precludes taking action on anything else.

Mr. Rae was referring to flag-flying legislation announced by Tory MP John Carmichael yesterday (Wednesday), which would punish anyone forcing a flag to be taken down with a fine or up to two years in prison.

The bill states:

“It is prohibited for any person to prevent the displaying of the National Flag of Canada, provided that, (a) the flag is displayed in a manner befitting this national symbol; (b) the display is not for an improper purpose or use; and (c) the flag is not subjected to desecration.”

And that’s a good thing!

It is past time for us to elevate our national symbols and kick our national pride up a notch.

I read that certain progressives complained about the flying of Canadian flags at a post-election victory celebration for Toronto’s mayor Rob Ford. Apparently, they did not consider the practice “inclusive.” Well tough on them.

This is a sound legislative initiate and we don’t have to suspend our emphasis on the economy for one second to deal with it and pass it into law.

Mr. Rae is clearly wrong on this one and out of step with the majority of ordinary Canadians, if not with Toronto leftist elites.

 

 

© Russell G. Campbell, 2011.
All rights reserved.
 
The views I express on this blog are my own and do not necessarily represent the views or positions of political parties, institutions or organizations with which I am associated.

U.S. citizen plotted to bomb Pentagon? Muslim Jihadist? Convert? Jew? Christian? Or Hindu?


“I just can’t stop; there is no other choice for me,’’ he told the agents, according to an affidavit written by FBI Special Agent Gary S. Cacace.

“This is what we have to do. This is the righteous way . . . to terrorize enemies of Allah,’’ he said, calling for the deaths of any kafir, the Arabic term for nonbeliever.

Yet, none of the news stories I located mentioned that the alleged terrorist is a Muslim or convert to the jihadi cause. Perhaps a lone wolf. But this much we know — he's a U.S. citizen. Why don't they state Home-Grown terrorist in training, alleged terrorist? Obama. And political correctness.

Ashland man faces terrorism charges
http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2011/09/29/ashland_man_charged_in_terrorist_plot/

Rezwan Ferdaus Terror Plot: 26-Year-Old U.S. Citizen, Charged With Plotting Attack On Pentagon, U.S. Capitol
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/28/rezwan-ferdaus-terror-plot_n_985759.html

Who is Rezwan Ferdaus?
http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpp/news/local/who-is-rezwan-ferdaus-20110928

Rezwan Ferdaus arrested, accused of plotting attack on Pentagon, Capitol using exploding RC planes
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2011/09/28/2011-09-28_rezwan_ferdaus_arrested_accused_of_plotting_attack_on_pentagon_capitol_using_exp.html


U.S. Citizen Rezwan Ferdaus Arrested in Terror Plot - Daniel Foster, National Review
http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/278624/us-citizen-rezwan-ferdaus-arrested-pentagon-plot-daniel-foster

Even in the National Review, one of my favourite sites, they do not mention his religious affiliation. Understandable. But from the picture at the top, and his comment to the FBI pretty, well concludes that he's a...

Reason TV: alcohol vs marijuana prohibition in the arts

Raw milk champion faces legal set back

Michael Schmidt is a diary farmer who established a business that allowed patrons to partially own a cow so that they could have a source of raw milk. The distribution of raw milk is illegal in Ontario and so Mr. Schmidt was arrested and charged. At first he defended himself in court but his case was later taken up by the Canadian Constitution Federation, the same organization that helped Peter Jaworski and his family.

Yesterday Mr. Schmidt’s case suffered a set back:

Newmarket, ON: Dairy farmer Michael Schmidt suffered a setback in his campaign to legalize raw milk today when the decision of Justice Peter Tetley of the Ontario Court of Justice reversed a lower court decision and found Schmidt guilty on 15 of the 19 charges.

Schmidt had been acquitted of all charges by Justice of the Peace Paul Kowarsky in January, 2010. The Ontario government and the Grey Bruce Health Unit appealed that decision. Justice Tetley allowed their appeal on some, but not all charges.

All claims that the legislation violated the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms were dismissed.

The text of the decision has been posted on the website of the Canadian Constitution Foundation here.

Schmidt said: “This is just a temporary setback. We will continue to fight, both through the courts and through the legislature, for the rights of individuals to decide what they put into their bodies. The public supports us on this issue.

At this year’s Liberty Summer Seminar I had the opportunity to converse with Mr. Schmidt. He is an interesting and intelligent man to put it mildly and certainly the type who is willing to stand on principle. I have to say that I liked him.

But even if I didn’t like him, why the fuck can’t I buy raw milk if I wanted to?

"That's just the way of business" in Quebec.

“For a lot of people, colluding, defrauding the government, increasing prices and shoving aside the competition, that’s just the way business is done,” Jacques Duchesneau, head of Quebec’s anti-collusion squad.

Can you imagine Quebec as a separate nation, run by organized crime with puppet politicians and bureaucrats?

“Organized crime is not simply a problem of public order. It is an economic and social phenomenon that has penetrated all of society, including the procedures in place at the Transport Department,” Mr. Duchesneau said. “Our investigators have understood well. Organized crime is not simply a parasite but a true state actor. Ultimately it is we, the taxpayers, who end up with the bill.”

Jacques Duchesneau was a former Montreal police chief who was chosen by the Liberals to investigate the construction industry and collusion. He said it's not enough just to arrest criminals and imprison them. The whole shebang has to be cleaned up. He firmly stated that a public inquiry is necessary.

Liberal Premier Jean Charest isn't convinced, yet.

Many Canadians, those who are aware, for years heard about the corruption in Quebec. Frankly, it's obvious that the province was open for bike gangs and organized crime.

Indeed, I am sad for the decent and fair Quebec Canadians. The province has produced fantastic athletes, entertainers, artists, business entrepreneurs and, of course, SOLDIERS.

Soldiers return from corrupt and vicious Afghanistan to what? Will they be recruited for a Quebec/Mafia Army or National Guard?

Shame on all those who have colluded.

Quebec anti-collusion head calls for construction industry inquiry - Graeme Hamilton, National Post
http://news.nationalpost.com/2011/09/27/quebec-anti-collusion-head-calls-for-construction-industry-inquiry/


Is Islam Christ-Friendly?


Is Islam Christ-friendly, as its proponents insist?

Apparently not. Being a true friend of Christ can get you killed. As Christians, we need to be prepared to die. Most of us will never experience martyrdom, but the possibility comes with the territory.

If this guy was gay, the CBC would be all over it. But he's just another Christian, so don't expect them to get too excited. I'll be happily surprised if they do. The photo headline above was from Fox News.

Lord, have mercy on this man and on his family -- and on his persecutors too.

Goodbye, Section 13...

We hated you more than you could know! Dare we hope that finally a clause that allowed "hurt feelings" will finally go into the dumpster of bad ideas? Write your MP's to make them understand the importance of scraping this nonsense clause.


A Tory MP plans to introduce legislation as early as Friday calling for the repeal of a section in the federal human rights code banning hate speech over the Internet.
Despite being a backbencher, Brian Storseth is convinced the bill will succeed because nearly every Tory MP opposes Section 13, and he believes the Harper government wants to see it repealed.
"Section 13 suppresses the basic right to freedom of speech in our society that is guaranteed under the Charter of Rights & Freedoms," said Mr. Storseth, who represents the Alberta riding of Westlock-St. Paul.
 It's about time! Goodbye section 13, you perverted our Canadian values by allowing petty people to use section 13 for their own gains. It deserves to be gone. Good riddance to bad legislation. Human rights were perverted by section 13.

The worst thing about it was that the lefties on the HRC's used that flawed law to persecute anyone who had a right leaning. They were the haters, hiding behind a bad policy. Witch hunters. 

Another Endorsement

Yet another endorsement by a former PC Leader calculated to drive the Liberal War Room bonkers. That seems to be happening a lot today!

Hey, remember when John Tory endorsed this city councillor? And she won?

Bill Davis Endorses Hudak

D'awwww.......a whole two months of Liberal hearsay and false outrage down the drain.

The retired politician, now in his 80s, popped up on the campaign trail at a Hudak event in Brampton, after which he playfully sparred with reporters and gave his party’s leader a thumbs-up.

“I thought he did quite well” in the debate, Davis said, adding he thinks Hudak is solid in his riding and beyond.

“I think he’s doing quite well in Brampton. I’ve been to several other ridings and I think he’s doing quite well. If you ask me to make predictions, I didn’t when I was running … and I haven’t started doing it yet.”

Ontario Leaders Debate 2011: fiddling while Ontario burns

To the credit of the three leaders of Ontario’s largest political parties, there was a great deal of talk about policy in last night’s leaders debate. That is always nice to see both from the perspective of a policy wonk and a voter. I found, however, that most of the policies that were being hotly debated were pretty irrelevant.

Ontario is in economic and financial trouble. This is the issue that should be dominating the election but by tacit agreement none of the major parties are really talking about it. There are two questions that were asked that should have brought this issue to the forefront but all three leaders allowed each other off the hook and gave incredibly weak answers.

The first question was how the budget is going to be balanced.

Dalton McGuinty responded by talking about how much spending he introduced and plans to introduce.

Tim Hudak responded by talking about how he will make sure that ¾ of the budget is defended from cuts (health and education).

Andrea Horwath responded by saying something about blank cheques to corporations which I think was referring to corporate tax cuts, but that doesn’t make any sense on a couple of levels.

The second question is closely related to the first question, although perhaps not many people realize it. The last question of the night asked if the party leaders would be open to more private participation in the health care system. With health care spending growing faster than government revenue and taking up about half of the budget this is an important question for deciding how to get Ontario out of deficits.

Dalton McGuinty responded by saying he will beg for more money from the federal government (forgetting it seams that there is only one taxpayer).

Tim Hudak responded with an anecdote about how it sucks to have a child that is sick (I have absolutely no doubt that it sucks a lot).

Andrea Horwath responded with a rant against the capitalist system (which to be fair is at least on message).

There was another question that asked why politicians aren’t bolder. Each tried to respond by saying that they are bold, but the answers described above makes a lie of these claims. Yet the solutions to Ontario’s problems will require boldness and none of the leaders last night showed that they have an ounce of it.

BC Ferries

Flag of British Columbia                        Image via Wikipedia
"In his eight years at the helm of the [BC] ferry corporation, David Hahn has overseen a meteoric rise in ferry fares coupled with a devastating plunge in ridership and revenue."

Sounds about right. I'm guessing the ferry corporation is unionized. Expect less for more (hello, TTC) in the years ahead as western economies retrench and government/big unions are among the last holdouts against reality.

If things get really bad, expect civil unrest. All those de-moralized socialized hordes relying on government-provided entitlements have no intention of cutting back or being the ones to pay for government over-spending excesses. That puts the entire weight of responsibility on the rest of us.
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Steady Hands on the Till?

The hands. Good grief, the hands.






I've seen politicians dodge debate questions before, but that was completely ridiculous.

Freedom Party on the BST

Freedom Party on speed limits

raising the speed limit to 120km/h is a good start but a better policy would be no speed limits at all.

Green Shift?

So today it emerged that Green Party of Canada leader Elizabeth May turned up on a list of endorsements for Ottawa West Nepean MPP Bob Chiarelli.

I found that odd, because Elizabeth May told me near the start of the campaign that she was "on the campaign trail" for Green Party of Ontario leader Mike Schreiner.

Now then....where is that tweet....




Ahhh. There we go.

Mandatory minimums and plea bargains

Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of the Conservative's crime bill is the unwillingness to learn from what has happened in the United States. Plenty of evidence regarding the negative consequence of mandatory minimums. Just two days ago the New York Times took a look at how mandatory minimums have influenced plea bargain negotiations.

Some experts say the process has become coercive in many state and federal jurisdictions, forcing defendants to weigh their options based on the relative risks of facing a judge and jury rather than simple matters of guilt or innocence. In effect, prosecutors are giving defendants more reasons to avoid having their day in court.

“We now have an incredible concentration of power in the hands of prosecutors,” said Richard E. Myers II, a former assistant United States attorney who is now an associate professor of law at the University of North Carolina. He said that so much influence now resides with prosecutors that “in the wrong hands, the criminal justice system can be held hostage.”


The justice system should not be set up in a way that discourages people from trying to prove their innocence. It should be about finding the truth not locking up as many people for as long as possible.

"Dress Witches In Pink And Avoid White Paper": Anti-Racism Industry Jumps The Shark

No racism                  Image via Wikipedia
Someone got paid for this advice.

Favorite colour? Lie and say black or brown.
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MASSIVE Protest!

So says Lisa La-La Land.

Environmentalists are staging a massive protest on Parliament Hill against a proposed pipeline that would carry crude oil from the Alberta oils sands to the U.S. Gulf Coast – passing through six states.
How out of touch can one reporter be? MASSIVE protest? At most, reporters are saying 500 and that's counting all the police and reporters.  Why do lefties want to kill the very industry that supports them and most of Canada? Ontario is now a have not province, be happy that Alberta, Saskatchewan and Newfoundland are supporting your MASSIVE lefty programs. The protest was a huge failure, Lisa needs to be honest, but I guess I'm expecting too much from the lefty media here is Canada. If it wasn't for the unions wasting their members money, probably only 50 people would have shown up. MASSIVE failure Lisa, MASSIVE!

Not to be outdone, thousands of union workers rallied against....well they rallied against the Toronto Mayor, because they are scared for their cushy union jobs.

About 4,000 people packed Nathan Phillip Square by 6 p.m. Monday. Many carried placards showing a cartoon of a runaway train going off a cliff, with Rob Ford in the locomotive, and the slogan, “Stop the Crazy Train.”

 Funny how those perfectly printed placards instantly appeared as if by magic. Union fees at work for political advocacy. Shame on the unions for failing their members by becoming political monsters. If you think I am exaggerating, look at the woman in this picture, reminds me of the workers union of Russia.


Look at the clenched fist, the glazed eyes and the strained neck muscles, clearly a women with a mission. Heil Union anyone? The pre-printed signs are another indication of union involvement.

So, it appears that the unions abandoned the greenies on Parliament hill to protest against any cuts to their golden pension jobs. Funny how you always find the lefties at the trough, snorting and shouting when their gravy train is threatened....In the name of the "little people" of course.

A Subject of Continuing Conversation

Yes, we will make it a subject of continuing conversation. During the debate, maybe....

Schwarzenegger vs. Layton

The hubris of one seems similar to the overreach of the other's supporters.

Carbon Credits: Plant A Tree, Starve A Human

Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala (Finance Minister of Niger...                    Image via Wikipedia
From their website, slathered in green righteousness:
The New Forests Company is a UK-based sustainable and socially responsible forestry company with established, rapidly growing plantations and the prospect of a diversified product base for local and regional export markets which will deliver both attractive returns to investors and significant social and environmental benefits.
From InfoWars.Com:
Armed troops acting on behalf of a British carbon trading company backed by the World Bank burned houses to the ground and killed children to evict Ugandans from their homes in the name of seizing land to protect against “global warming,” a shocking illustration of how the climate change con is a barbarian form of neo-colonialism. 
The evictions were ordered by New Forests Company, an outfit that seizes land in Africa to grow trees then sells the “carbon credits” on to transnational corporations. The company is backed by the World Bank and HSBC. Its Board of Directors includes HSBC Managing Director Sajjad Sabur, as well as other former Goldman Sachs investment bankers.
The company claims residents of Kicucula left in a “peaceful” and “voluntary” manner, and yet the people tell a story of terror and bloodshed. 
Villagers told of how armed “security forces” stormed their village and torched houses, burning an eight-year-child to death as they threatened to murder anyone who resisted while beating others. 
“We were in church,” recalled Jean-Marie Tushabe, 26, a father of two. “I heard bullets being shot into the air.” 
“Cars were coming with police,” Mr. Tushabe said, sitting among the ruins of his old home. “They headed straight to the houses. They took our plates, cups, mattresses, bed, pillows. Then we saw them getting a matchbox out of their pockets.”
“But in this case, the government and the company said the settlers were illegal and evicted for a good cause: to protect the environment and help fight global warming,” reports the New York Times
Another leftist initiative gone horribly bad. When it comes to green, the poorest of the poor don't count, because, when it comes to leftist initiatives toward the third world, it's not about them, it's about us. Always.
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TAPS, Unbelievable Talent!

I was at the airport today picking up my hubby who went to PEI to visit his family, and I saw a group of Canadian troops. They were obviously being deployed somewhere, but I was too shy to approach them and ask where they were going. When we got home, I checked my emails, and West Coast Teddi had sent me this very inspiring rendition of TAPS.

The conductor of the orchestra is Andre Rieu from Holland . The young lady, her trumpet and her rendition of TAPS makes your hair stand on end.
Many of you may never have heard taps played in its entirety, for all of the Men and Women who have died for you to have the freedom you have in America .  This is an opportunity you won't want to miss and I guarantee you'll never forget.

Amazingly beautiful .. Melissa Venema, age 13, is the trumpet soloist.

Here is 'Taps' played in its entirety. The Original version of Taps was called Last Post, and was written by Daniel Butterfield in 1801.  It was rather lengthy and formal, as you will hear in this clip, so in 1862 it was shortened to 24 notes and re-named 'Taps'.



Our military is the backbone of our country. The Liberals decimated them by refusing to fund them for decades. Now, the Conservatives are rebuilding our proud forces, but the lefties are shouting about unnecessary expenditures, like new helicopters and jets, they are pandering to their voters, without caring about Canada.  I would prefer 1.1 Billion a year going towards our troops instead of the lame, useless and biased CBC.

If You Needed Proof the Liberals are the Toronto Party....

So let me get this straight:

McGuinty WON'T stop building wind turbines in rural ridings where he has no chance of winning.

But he WILL stop building a power plant in a Toronto area riding where he DOES have a chance of winning.

Do I have that right?

McGuinty Commits First Major Gaffe Of Campaign

You know McGuinty is in real trouble when comments on a Toronto Star story are almost unanimous in condemning the latest Liberal campaign announcement. Through the first seven pages of comments only a few seemed onside with McGuinty's latest attempt at pandering and vote buying:

"Just ahead of the provincial election, the Ontario Liberals have announced they will halt construction of a controversial gas-fired power plant being built on the Toronto-Mississauga border if they are re-elected."

With the media and pollsters calling the election a dead heat, my reply would be Bullshit. We were told over the course of the 2011 federal election the Conservative's couldn't win a majority. The media told us how great Ignatieff was doing campaigning and how poorly the Conservative campaign was.

Then we were subjected to groundhog day, only this time the media and pollsters telling us Smitherman and Mayor Ford were in a dead heat. The result was Ford getting almost 100,000 more votes than Smitherman.

And now the pollsters tell us how the voters of Ontario don't want change, things are just ducky with McDud as Premier. The funny thing is over the course of a workday I talk with quite a few people from different areas of the province. It's pretty rare to find someone who is voting Liberal.

Scandals, patronage, taxes, electricity rates, hst, attempts at vote buying like mentioned here at the top. People have had enough of McGuinty's waste and sleaze.

As far as I'm concerned October 6th can't come soon enough.

Sunday Psalm: 9 - The Lord Is King Forever!

Dormition Church, situated on the modern "...                    Image via Wikipedia

Psalm 9

Thanksgiving to God for His Justice[a]
    I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart;
      I will tell of all the wonderful things you have done.
 2 I will sing with joy because of you.
      I will sing praise to you, Almighty God.

 3 My enemies turn back when you appear;
      they fall down and die.
 4 You are fair and honest in your judgments,
      and you have judged in my favor.

 5 You have condemned the heathen
      and destroyed the wicked;
      they will be remembered no more.
 6 Our enemies are finished forever;
      you have destroyed their cities,
      and they are completely forgotten.

 7 But the Lord is king forever;
      he has set up his throne for judgment.
 8 He rules the world with righteousness;
      he judges the nations with justice.

 9 The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,
      a place of safety in times of trouble.
 10 Those who know you, Lord, will trust you;
      you do not abandon anyone who comes to you.

 11 Sing praise to the Lord, who rules in Zion!
      Tell every nation what he has done!
 12 God remembers those who suffer;
      he does not forget their cry,
      and he punishes those who wrong them.

 13 (A)Be merciful to me, O Lord!
      See the sufferings my enemies cause me!
   Rescue me from death, O Lord,
    14 that I may stand before the people of Jerusalem
      and tell them all the things for which I praise you.
   I will rejoice because you saved me.

 15 The heathen have dug a pit and fallen in;
      they have been caught in their own trap.
 16 The Lord has revealed himself by his righteous judgments,
      and the wicked are trapped by their own deeds.

 17 Death is the destiny of all the wicked,
      of all those who reject God.
 18 The needy will not always be neglected;
      the hope of the poor will not be crushed forever.

 19 Come, Lord! Do not let anyone defy you!
      Bring the heathen before you
      and pronounce judgment on them.
 20 Make them afraid, O Lord;
      make them know that they are only mortal beings.




Have a restful, joyful day as God's praise circles the globe this day.
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Highly Scientific Analysis of that Forum Research Poll



Accurate to within 0.5 percentage points, 19 times out of 20.

I'm sure it must be the case because, in case you didn't know, the Liberals have backtracked again to try and save some seats in the 905.

Oh, and has anyone else noticed that one of the main proponents of a Liberal NDP coalition is running the Liberal War Room?

Ooohhhh . . . now I get it

See the new PC ad? Finally . . . NOW I get it . . ."Dalton McGuinty, higher taxes . . . lost jobs Tim Hudak, lower taxes . . . new jobs"Wow! What an informative ad. So inspiring. So unique. So convincing. Finally, the PC war room is getting the point across . . . Dalton bad.Tim good.Now we know. Now I feel like an informed citizen.Thank you PC Party, for giving me a solid reason to vote.(Btw, do

McGuinty's Real Health Care Record; Cuts, Layoffs and The Sunshine Club

Seems McGuinty wants to keep bringing up the name of Mike Harris and painting himself as the health care Premier. Really Dalton? We all know McGuinty is a liar who can't be trusted. Below is a list that barely scratches the surface of health care cuts initiated by McGuinty's government. Hudak and Horvath should be reminding Ontario voters of this every day.Let's take a look at some of McGuinty's actual record on health care, not that make-believe world he wants to delude us with:

-$1.2 billion E-Health Scandal Wasted

-$300,000 severance for the E-Health head when the scandal was uncovered.

- Delisted eye exams, physiotherapy, and chiropractic care, sighting the fact it was unaffordable.

-made sex-change operations OHIP paid (yet the above unaffordable?)

- between 1995 and 2003 the PC government had created 20,000 new long term care beds and refurbished 16,000 more. Health Minister Deb Matthews said the McGuinty government has opened almost 8,000 new long term care beds, and is committed to adding another 2,000 beds in 10 communities this year. (which record is better?)

-NDP Leader Andrea Horwath accused the government of announcing $14 million in new funding to “plug a hole in the Niagara Health System’s budget” to divert attention from closing emergency rooms in Fort Erie and Port Colborne. She also raised the byelection bailout in Toronto of the Grace Hospital. “Will this minister continue to play cynical politics with Ontario hospital funding?” The Minister said they were working with the LHINs to determine where additional funding was needed.

-The Ottawa Hospital is the latest to announce positions are being cut to balance its budget. Assuming a two per cent funding increase for this coming year, the Ottawa Hospital has to trim its budget by almost $19 million. More than 100 positions are being eliminated at the hospital, including 4.35 FTEs from among OPSEU represented positions.

-The Sudbury Regional Hospital is cutting 41,000 cleaning hours at the hospital and expanding contracting out. The affected members belong to CUPE

-WHITBY – Ontario Shores is eliminating 55 positions at the former Whitby Mental Health Centre in order to cope with underfunding from the Ministry of Health.

Forty of the positions will receive layoff notices, while 15 workers will be redeployed following contracting-out of their work.

-In addition to eliminating 55 positions, Ontario Shores has announced that it is closing one of two Beacon House sites. The Oshawa site will now be closed permanently. Beacon House is a residential treatment program serving individuals with complex personality problems that have resulted in psychiatric hospitalizations and frequent involvement with community services.

Ontario Shores has also closed Challenging Directions Enterprises, a Whitby-based outpatient workshop that provides work experience to 75-80 clients each day. The sheltered workshop closed its doors February 23rd.

OPSEU believe the layoffs are a partial response to a growing legion of managers being employed at Ontario Shores. This expanding list of managers is beginning to displace programming space for clients as Ontario Shores seeks to find new office space to accommodate them.

-LHINs were not included in new rules prohibiting sole-source contracting. Tory Leader Tim Hudak raised a sole-sourced $80,000 contract between the Toronto Central LHIN and the Courtyard Group, a Liberal-friendly consulting firm. The contract was to help implement a diabetes strategy. Hudak linked a number of those in the contract with the e-health scandal. Hudak said that after e-health, the same consultants were coming back for “second helpings” from the LHINs.

-PC health critic Christine Elliott raised questions about the qualifications of LHIN board members who happened to also be significant financial contributors to the McGuinty Liberals. That list included Juanita Gledhill, Chair of the Hamilton Niagara Haldimand Brant LHIN, the same LHIN that approved closure of the ERs at Port Colborne and Fort Erie.

-cutting services, including the Toronto St. Joseph’s pain clinic, one of several services recently scheduled for closure by the cash-strapped hospital. “They’ve left hospitals and clinics across the province making random cuts to front-line services

-$15 million bailout of the Toronto Grace Hospital during a by-election with cuts to hospitals in other communities

-layoffs at St. Joseph’s Healthcare in Hamilton and at Hamilton Health Sciences

- the number of LHIN positions on the sunshine list (those earning more than $100k per year) had grown by 150 per cent, from 40 to 95 in three years. Executive salaries at the LHIN were also up by 213 per cent.

- Hamilton Health Sciences: “Even though we’re recognized as one of the most efficient hospitals in the province, we have been forced to make some changes that will impact patient care… In 2010/11 we will do 1,200 fewer surgical procedures.”

-, St. Thomas Elgin General Hospital (STEGH) is cutting services that will limit access to outpatient lab testing, increase waits for diagnostic imaging, and impact jobs in the community.

Six positions are expected to be eliminated from the lab and diagnostic imaging – this at a time when the Ontario government is spending to stimulate new jobs in the economy.

- The Ontario Public Service Employees Union is calling on the McGuinty government to take steps to protect mental health services after a minimum of 10 layoffs was announced last week at Providence Care hospital

-Rouge Valley Health System gave notice of layoff to CUPE, OPSEU and ONA. Cuts to OPSEU included 14 positions affecting cardiac care, rehab, mental health, diagnostic imaging, and laboratory. Meanwhile Toronto East General hospital is closing its physiotherapy clinic later this year and St. Michael’s has already announced it is postponing elective surgery and reducing office cleaning to save money.

Unending war with Islamists?

Almost a decade ago, I stated that the jihadist wars, battles, skirmishes, and terrorism, ordered by clerics and warlords, would last a long time. Perhaps several more years, a decade or two, off and on, but generally somewhere in the world there will be an attack.

The Islamists think in centuries; whereas, the West thinks in days, months, and years. Patience vs impatience. If it wasn't for political correctness and collateral damage — such as death of citizens, many innocent — the wars would end much sooner. Then there would just be the odd lone-wolf or resurgence of the Caliph and/or Saladin.

Following, is an interesting viewpoint by Christopher Hitchins, who I do not agree with on many issues. However, he seems to understand a bit about time and war. For the entire article read the link.

In defence of unending war – Christopher Hitchins
http://fullcomment.nationalpost.com/2011/09/22/christopher-hitchens-in-defence-of-un

…one might ask how long we have been at war with al-Qaeda or its equivalents. Since the attack on the World Trade Center in 1993? Since the destruction of the U.S. embassies in Africa? Since the near-sinking of the USS Cole in Aden harbor in 2000? Even to invite these questions is to arouse the unnerving suspicion that there was quite a long period during which al-Qaeda was at war with us, but we did not understand that we were at war with it. It was precisely that queasy feeling that was beginning to creep over some of us a while before the events of a decade ago dispelled most doubts. And it would have been just as true to say “no end in sight” on Sept. 12, 2001, as it would be to say it today — more true, if anything. So once again, those who want to set the clock must be crystal clear about when they think the confrontation started running.

Attitudes toward length are often a good clue to attitudes toward outcome…

A final objection to the dogma of brief engagements is more commonsensical. On the whole, perhaps it is best not to tell your opponent in advance of the date when you plan to withdraw your forces. Many American generals, we understand, were critical of the president’s original decision to announce a deadline for the endgame in Afghanistan. Certainly, there seem to be upsetting signs of Afghan national army units, in particular, basing their calculations on who can be counted on to be still present as the months go by. Difficult to blame people for consulting their own self-interest in this blunt way.

Human history seems to register many more years of conflict than of tranquillity. In one sense, then, it is fatuous to whine that war is endless. We do have certain permanent enemies—the totalitarian state; the nihilist/terrorist cell—with which “peace” is neither possible nor desirable. Acknowledging this, and preparing for it, might give us some advantages in a war that seems destined to last as long as civilization is willing to defend itself.

Why bother voting for the Ontario Tories?

I've been following the Ontario election for the past few weeks hoping that I'll hear something, anything, that will make me enthusiastic about voting for Tim Hudak. I've got to say, it's been a tough slog.

Hudak proposes to balance Ontario's budget (which, by the way, is projected to be $25 billion in the hole this fiscal year) largely by eliminating "waste". However, he plans to INCREASE funding for education and health care (which together account for over half of the province's expenses) by some $5 billion. At the same time, he plans to extend full-day kindergarten to all Ontario schools by 2014, fill classrooms with expensive technology, increase the number of spaces at post-secondary schools by 60 000, hire more doctors and expand hospitals and home care, all while reducing taxes by 5%. This will be paid for largely by eliminating "waste and fraud" and reducing the size of the civil service. I'm sorry, but the PC economic policies just don't make sense, and there are no serious proposals for the type of sweeping structural changes that are going to be necessary to pull Ontario back from the brink.

The Ontario PCs also have an unfortunate tendency to focus on red meat law-and-order issues that frighten away centrist voters and make conservatives seem like heartless monsters. This campaign has seen Hudak promise to put prison inmates in chain gangs and make the sex offender registry publicly available on-line so that communities can take the law into their own hands "to protect their own kids". Good grief - chain gangs and vigilantes? This is a serious political party?

I was all set to vote in protest for the Freedom Party, knowing that it would probably do nothing but split the conservative vote and help the Liberals win another four years with McGuinty at the helm. Then a breath of fresh air blew in this weekend when I sat down with my morning coffee and read this in the National Post: comments from McGuinty and Hudak made in interviews with the paper's editorial board last week. Maybe Hudak gets it after all.
McGuinty: I'm no longer a Boy Scout. I know what it means to put your public muscle behind a strategic initiative like clean energy. It's up to us to decide on an opportunity, and I recognize green energy as a tremendous opportunity... Yeah, I picked a spot. I'm driving for it, hard, in an unrelenting fashion.

Hudak: This is the difference between Dalton McGuinty and I. I don't pick winners and losers. I don't think that I know best where the economy is going and I'll double-down on building a wind turbine, solar panels and casting out jobs elsewhere. I won't give out $230-million contracts to a video-game manufacturer to get a photo-op and try to look modern. I believe we have mechanisms to determine the marketplace: They're called customers. We have tremendous strengths in our province in financial services, technologies, mining, forestry, I believe there is still a future in manufacturing as well. We're not bringing back the jobs that disappeared but I think there can be broadbased job creation. I reject the notion a premier or some big thinker will know where the next jobs are from and put all our eggs in the one basket of a green-energy or affirmative-action program.
Whoa! Did Tim Hudak really say that? Maybe there's hope. Maybe we don't have to put up with another four years of Nanny McGuinty micromanaging the economy while embarking on ridiculously expensive social-engineering projects. Maybe the gross incompetence of the last eight years - Caledonia, the health care "premium", e-Health, Eco-fees, the HST, etc ad nauseam, will be rewarded with a well-deserved thrashing, and Premier McGuinty can retire to write his memoirs and be rewarded with a nice ambassadorship somewhere.

The Vancouver Riots -- 100 Days On

Flag of Vancouver, British Columbia. Modificat...                    Image via Wikipedia
The Vancouver Riots -- 100 Days On

It has been 100 days since the riot and no charges have been laid; police said on Thursday....

Too bad none of it was captured on video or something.

Friday Night Funnies: Mayday! Mayday!

Man Killed on Golf Course . . . The Price of Honesty!

A foursome of guys is waiting at the men's tee while a foursome of women ahead of them is hitting from the ladies' tee.

The ladies are taking their time.



When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet.  Then she goes over and whiffs it completely.  Then she hacks it another ten feet and finally hacks it another five feet.

She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, "I guess all those f-----g lessons I took over the winter didn't help."

One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it.  You should have taken golf lessons instead!"

He never even had a chance to duck.  He was 63 . . .
--------------------------------------------
A Marine Wife Confesses
 
This came from a Marine wife. It says it all
 
I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as the government
Underwent a peaceful transition of power two years ago..
At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism while
Barack Obama took his Oath of office .
However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later watched 21 Marines,
In full dress uniform with rifles,
Fire a 21-gun salute to the President.
It was then that I realized how far America's military had deteriorated..
Every one of them missed the bas^ard.
----------------------------------------------
 -------------------------------------------
“Help...Help, my pilot just died!"

A blonde is on board a small two-seater airplane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio.

"Mayday!  Mayday!  My pilot just died!"

Ground control receives her call for help and answers back, "Don't worry, Madam.  I'll talk you down, just do as I say.  First I need you to give me your height and position."

"I'm 5’2” and sitting in the right front seat."

Ground control responds, "Repeat after me: Our Father... Who art in Heaven..."
--------------------------------------
A  must  read for Grandparents....(Those who aren't will love it,   too.)
    
                              
At one point  during a  game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old  baseball  players  aside and  asked,
'Do you understand what  cooperation is?   What a team is?'  The little boy nodded  in the   affirmative. 
 
'Do  you  understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a   team?'  The little boy nodded 'yes'.  
 
'So,'   the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you   shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a  pecker-head,  dickhead or asshole.  Do you understand all  that?'  The little  boy nodded 'yes' again.
He  continued, 'And when I  take you out of the game so another boy gets  a chance to play, it's not  good sportsmanship to call your   coach "a dumb ass or shithead" is  it?' 
The  little  boy shook his head 'NO'.
'GOOD',  said the   coach..
'Now  go over there and explain all that to  your  grandmother!'
----------------------------------------

------------------------------------------------
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed
  to be far too qualified for the job; given her liberal arts degree from
  the University of Michigan and her jobs as a social worker and
  school teacher.

The foreman frowned and said,  "I have to ask you this:
 "Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!"
  "I've been divorced three times,
  owned 2 Chryslers, and I voted for Obama."
------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------
UNIVERSAL LAWS

1. Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
>3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
>4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
>5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
>6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
>7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
>8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen  with.
>9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
>. 12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
>14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
>18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
>19.Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
-------------------------------------------------------
The graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the preacher and calmly said, 'Well......she's there.'
 -----------------------------------------------------
 Okay, off to bed, want to get up early to enjoy what might be the last warm weekend of this year. The leaves are falling, time to get the potatoes and carrots out of the ground.